Sometimes when I am watching star trek next gen, and Lt. Commander Data acts confused at a clever remark Commander William Riker makes, I think to myself, "For the love of God Data, you've been on the enterprise for 3 years and you still have no grasp of sarcasm?!" I mean seriously, Gene Roddenberry is probably rolling over in his grave!

So I did start a myspace for probably the greatest songless band of all time. But I don't get why myspace contantly has to remind me of how pathetic I am; "Jonathan has 2 friends!" Thanks mypsace, the exclamation point really covers for the "2" quite nicely.

So After only 4 days in milano i have determined that there is a 32% chance I am going mad and a 17% chance I am just going hilarious. Consider; while on the train today it suddenly struck me, in the way that I'm sure only scientist who have just discovered the cure to some rare and life threatening desease are struck, that the key difference between italy and america is that there are no sassy girls here. Brilliant. I then decided that I wasn't exactly sure what I meant by that, so I preceded to define what sass is and I came up with the following: Sass is finger wagging while saying things like "judon't know me(!)" and "Whadju say? Thats what I thought you said!" And it also may or may not include phrazes such as "SeeeeeeeeJuLATeR(!)" and tight jeans with no back pockets. Take it with a grain of salt my friends, but be sure to take it twice a day.

-Smoot

I bought a hamburger and fries for a homeless man today, which isn't really something I normally do, but he spoke very softly so I had to lean in real close to him and for some reason I figured, "now that I'm this close to his face I have to by him lunch." Also he had what appeared to be a slide whistle in his back pocket, so I figured we must have been kindred spirits. While I was standing at the window waiting for his food he mumbled to me speaking as though his mouth was full of marbles, "Hey Man, you like riding ponies?" to which I replied "I don't believe I've ever ridden a pony." This seemed to come as a shock to him and after reflecting on this he whispered to me, "I think riding a pony is your destiny." no words have reigned truer in my mind than those. There were a few more awkward but friendly exchanges between us, but by this time I was disinterested in anything he had to say, I just couldn't stop thinking about my divine purpose, my fate, my DESTINY!!!!

With flavors such as yellow, red and blue in competition, who would have thought brown would be the best?

I won't have to dig a hole to china if you meet me half way.
We could dance so close like two magnets,
charged by the power of love,
and the powerful magnetizing properties of the center of the earth.
we couldn't dance long because we would both melt,
but it would be worth it just to be with you,
and to see the center of the earth.


The End

Today I saw something that I feel to be nothing short of hilarious. Down the sidewalk there rolled a scraggly looking middle aged man in a very old wheelchair and before you allow yourself to think, "this is the most insensitive post I have ever read" please hear the rest of my story.
The thing that struck me as so humorous was not this man's handicap, it was rather his lack thereof. You see, the means by which this man decided to propel himself was rather unorthodox. instead of rolling himself along with his arms he slouched very low in his mobile seat and used his legs to pull him forward; kicking them out in a rather forced and awkward manner and then dragging them back towards himself. Now I'm no scientist, not one that specializes in the practical motion of man anyway, but I sort of got the feeling this defeated the whole purpose of having a wheelchair. Anyway
I just thought that was worth mentioning. Oh and if you want to know 15 things you absolutely must do this month, you may want to pick up an axis magazine.

The following is a conversation which took place between me and my brother at 5:20 a.m. (this is after 15 minutes of silence).

Me: This is good orange juice.

Aaron: Suprisingly good for coming out of a jug.

Me: You see, I myself am not a big fan of orange juice, but this, this I like.

Aaron: I used to think I didn't like orange juice, but I realised its concentrate I don't like.

Me: I like pulp though.

Me again: I've always said, "liquids are good, but they need more solids in them."

-5 more minutes of silence and we part ways

Now I do realise that most people reserve only the funniest of conversations for LJ posting and I respect that. You have your way of doing things and I have mine.

Well friends, I did today what most of you thought I could never do. Thats right, I ripped right through the sleeves of my shirt simply by flexing. I know what most of you are thinking, I'm six foot two inches and weigh little more than the skeleton that stretches through my body. Furthermore I have an echo chamber for a chest and arms that look and feel a little bit like over ripe bananas. But I say to you friends, tell that to my shirt. If it could hear you, which it can't (not because its ripped, but because its a shirt) it would say to you in broken english (because it was made in Mecau), "Oh how foolish you were to doubt the strength of Master Jonathan. Now I will serve as a constant reminder of his awesome power, and of his wrath." Of course shirts can't talk so this is all speculation but I'm pretty sure it would go something like that.


-Oyo

"Well its just Trial and...keeping on...until you get it right."

-Abraham Lee Couch

Don't worry Abe, you'll get it right. Just keep on keeping on.

On the brick walkway leading up to my house there lays a squirrel head. Next to it, placed quite neatly, is the tail and the liver of this unfortunate squirrel. They are there because the great Lord has blessed my family with two cats who care for us that much. Needless to say I appreciate the gesture. Truly these noble felines have gone above and beyond the call of duty. I really shouldn't be surprised as I was dropping some pretty big hints.

1. Squirrel head: Check
2. Pirate Bones: fingers crossed
3. Laser fish: pending
4. Squirrel tail and liver: Double check

Well I'm half way there. This promises to be the ultimate.

Dear Guitar,
Your smooth jazz leads sooth my soul.



Sincerely,

Jonathan William Nee

Dear Mr. Fledge,
It has recently come to my attention that you have grown a mustache which is both pleasing to the eye as well as practical in many ways. I have also noticed that it has nearly flawless vertical and horizontal lines. Needless to say the shaping is exquisite. The purpose of this letter however, is not mere flattery. I am writing you so that I may bring to your attention that you have become a distraction to your female coworkers. And, although I am not encouraging you to shave your newly acquired soup strainer, I feel it my duty to caution you to be more mindful of those around you before you undertake further facial hair endeavors.

Sincerely,
Christopher Esvaldo Mustache III

Ok I admit it, I'm not a doctor and vinegar is not a cure-all.

But the love was there.

The love was there.

In the absence of both work and school I find myself getting a whole lot done. The most important of these having been advancing within a period of two days to chapter three (level 3) in “Return to Krondor” as well as blasting the faces off of countless pseudo, not so pixilated Mexicans in “Red Dead Revolver.” Yet despite all of this I find myself feeling, well frankly…unproductive. “Unproductive,” you ask? “After attaining the guilldsmen’s sacred ship raising spell scroll in a period of two days and you feel unproductive? The Audacity!” But alas it is so. However, self-improvement has always been a passion of mine, so with a single stroke of genius I will wipe out all signs of laziness from my person. And the answer, my friends, came in the form of a pocket weekly planner. Of course at this time of year you can only buy planners for 2005, so for the next few months I’ll work on conquering PS2, Gamecube etc. etc. But come January there will be bigger fish to fry, such as conquering: Love, Death, The time space continuum and shooting a laser through the moon. Moon Laser in 2007! Its possible folks, I just need your support.

Dear Sirs,
I, Jonathan Nee, co-founder of The Gentlemen Eater’s Club and founder of the former Chivalry club would like to announce the formation of a new Gentlemen’s Society. As of today I am officially reopening the doors to the ACYM (Alliance of Chivalrous Young Men). This new and improved guild will prove much more inclusive than the last, which was built around my arrogance and was used as a tool to exude my superiority. I humbly admit the error of the former club and would like to invite all men who wish to live their lives to a higher standard to join this new and improved organization. To join you must simply pledge to attempt to live more chivalrously in all areas of your life (both public and private). If you fail or stumble, you will not be chastised, but will instead have the support of all your comrades in the association. And of course, there will be dinner parties and black tie galas. Please consider this membership offer carefully, the doors are always open.

Sincerely,

Jonathan William Nee

Well friends, I will now officially be in Paris France during the day my favourite nation celabrates its independance. Please be praying for me, as I will be wearing a very large American flag cape and a shirt with a picture of President Bush that says "The W is for Winner."

Have yo9u ever noticed how people stop saying "play" at about the age of 12. Then they start to say "hang out" the hip new word. Hang out? What the hell is that? Now play, theres a word you can set your watch to. And this my friends is why I'm bringing back play. The days of hanging out are numbered, get ready for the dawn of the "play" era.

Chivalry:
1. A group of Knights or Gallant gentlemen
2. the midieval system of knighthood
3. the noble qualities a knight was supposed to have, such as courage, honor and
readiness to help the weak and protect women
4. The demonstration of any of the knightly qualities
5. The rank or position of a knight
6. Abe, Hunter and Jonathan

On the way home from German class I saw an old man who looked sort of like a golden raisin and he had one of those oxygen tubes running under his nose (in his car mind you). But oxygen wasn't the only thing going into his lungs, he was also taking in some good long drags of sweet lady tabacco. I guess winners never quit.